December 2011
2 posts
November 2011
4 posts
September 2011
1 post
August 2011
1 post
Balls?
May 2009
2 posts
I Got A Girl
Is That On The Menu?
I went to a fancy restaurant tonight, and my waitress was an extremely attractive woman that somewhat resembled Sarah Palin, only not retarded. She was probably in her late 30’s to early 40’s, with dark brown hair, a pretty face and glasses.
Being a fancy restaurant, I knew that chances were good that I could order something even if it wasn’t on the menu. When she came to the...
April 2009
1 post
5 tags
Constipation Away From Home
Have you ever been constipated and away from home? And not just constipated. I’m talking, constipated, but constantly on the verge of shitting your pants. There is no solace in knowing that you’re safe, despite a very real fear that you’re about to bring down the chocolate thunder in your jeans. Every moment, every shift of weight, every inch of movement is a tense step on a...
February 2009
1 post
December 2008
2 posts
You know what’s awesome? When you’re on hold, waiting for technical support and the tech comes back 10 minutes later only to ask if it’s ok to put you on hold, and then repeats this for the next hour and a half.
October 2008
1 post
On the way home after a dinner at a local diner, I ripped a fart so potent that a couple of family members complained that they could actually taste the smell. The other was on the verge of throwing up onto the street. I just laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed. I laughed so hard that I actually farted again, and the entire process repeated itself.
April 2008
2 posts
First
I win.